LOVE IN THE TIME OF QUARANTINE

OR, WHY DOES MY KID AVOID ME LIKE THE LITERAL PLAGUE

My daughter has decided she no longer wants or needs to be parented.

So that’s been fun.

She and I have muddled through the life-threatening global pandemic while hunkering down together in our modest home. Realistically, things haven’t been that much different for us. She has spent most of her time in her room for at least two years now; with the quarantine, her six hours of school are simply done in her room instead of outside the house. I work from home, so we’ve been together 24/7 since March 12. Together being a relative word, of course.

I know “These Unprecedented Times” (Trademark, 2020) have been extremely difficult for our kids. When I open her bedroom door to say I’m going out to run errands, or for my daily walk, or to make sure she’s up for school or to ask if she’s eaten and taken her medication, I have accepted her snide responses and dismissive rudeness with my own eyeroll and a closing of her door.

“You don’t need to remind me to do things!” she declares hotly. “I know how to set my alarm and get up for school. I am a straight-A student; I always do my homework. You don’t need to check in on me all the time!” I’m not sure where we got off track or why me doing normal, everyday-type parenting interactions infuriates her, but she absolutely wants to be left alone 95% of the day. I am supposed to sit here in my designated spot in the house and wait for her to come to me. If I initiate any conversations myself, I am met with angry dismissal.

It really hurts. I understand independence and self-reliance are traits I was supposed to be fostering in her, and I should see this phase as the successful result of my parenting. But as someone who is still reliant on my parents occasionally, even after my half-century mark, it’s weird to not be needed as much as I would expect — or want.

I have to remind myself that it’s good that she can and does take care of her daily tasks unbidden, and that she will come to me when in fact she really does need me. But it is difficult to “stand by.”

God willing, 2021 will usher in a healthy new year of opportunities and open doors again. Maybe my kid will leave her room, or maybe she won’t. But I will let Miss Independent be who she needs to be while still secretly parenting her in my heart.

Kathleen Palmer is an award-winning editor and journalist, marketing/communications content writer and occasional comedic actress. This column was awarded a gold award in the humor column category by the Parenting Media Association in 2020.